I have been unable to motivate today. I have done a bit of work but I realized that my primary job was to motivate myself to rest. I did not have to work today but I did work 4 Saturdays in a row. That leaves Sunday. One day to recover and work is not enough time. The week comes and I have not spent enough time gathering myself back to myself so that I am teaching again with maximum me.
I have learned how to gather myself back to myself through momming and laundry and food shopping and soccer games. But without two days to the weekend I just do not have time to gather me and just do not have time to get groceries or clean clothes or snuggles.
It is a strange struggle because I love what I did on those Saturdays. The teaching and the learning and the connecting and the thinking and the laughing were all amazing. I feel lucky again and again that I get to do this job of teacher. I feel lucky that I get to push myself to outgrow myself with people who are always looking to do the same. To outgrow! But the struggle is really about not having enough time to recharge.
What happens is that I do not recharge and then I give everything I have the next week. So, if I was at 50% capacity at the end of week one and had only half the time to recharge, I started the new week at 75%. Then, if I end that week at 25% and I only have half the time again to recharge, I start the next week at 50%. Keep going with that math. Third week down to 0% at the end of week three and up to 25% after one day of recovery. Then down to -25% and here we are. I am at 0.
I have been unable to motivate today and the math is right on this one! I knew it.