All or Nothing

I missed days of this challenge and then once that happens, the real challenge is coming back to writing. I think psychologists call this All or Nothing Thinking. Instead of congratulating yourself on each day that you are able to meet a goal, people with this all or nothing thought disorder tend to see things in more black and white terms. The most interesting thing about me and this disorder is that I absolutely do not see other people in this kind of light. I am way harder on myself than I would ever be on anyone else.

I think this is worth thinking about for a few moments. When other people fail to accomplish something, I am able to think about the larger context around that failure. I am able to see them as people with obstacles who are absolutely trying their best to accomplish what needs to get done. When their humanity is visible, I embrace it with an attitude of people can only get done as much as they can get done. I mostly view other people as doing the best they can at all times.

For me however, it is as if I know better. I always think that I could have done better. I am also always sure that other people believe that about me too. I think because I am so hard on myself, I assume other people are hard on me too.

However, why not assume that other people are as understanding of me as I am of them? That would be a real flip the switch kind of thought. Radical for me.

Perhaps I worry that if I start to be kinder and more understanding of myself, I will stop being an accomplished person in the world who contributes to the growth and happiness of others. Interesting to think about self-kindness as the key to my effectiveness instead of its demise.

And so, I wrote today in this challenge. What an accomplishment.

5 thoughts on “All or Nothing

  1. hollysqrd

    Unfortunately, you are not alone in feeling this way. You captured how unkind we are to ourselves, but GREAT job in writing today! 🙂 I’ve missed a day also LOL

  2. Writing to Learn, Learning to Write

    Boy do you have me thinking now…..I think I might have this All of Nothing syndrome too. Why do we pressure ourselves like this? I found your idea that if you are too kind to yourself, you might not be accomplished enough, to be particularly intriguing. Why do we do that? I’m quite sure that others (especially others in this writing community) are as understanding and forgiving as you are. I’m planning to use your ideas to do some of my own switch flipping! Welcome back!

  3. jcareyreads

    You commented on my post today that I laid my heart out there. That’s exactly how I felt when reading your post. I also related. I’m glad you’re here today.

  4. svalter

    Thank you for writing today! Your words really resonated with me—the desire to stay on track, the honesty, the reflection. I, too, am glad you’re here today, and I look forward to reading your writing next time, whether tomorrow or in a week or even next year. The important thing is that you come back and keep putting your thoughts and words out into the universe. 😀


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